FELINE ROADKILL

driving really does require a large amount of concentration and alertness. there's always trick signs and concealed entrances to small roads and even smaller vehicles around. driving isnt mentally draining though, its only after you stopped driving then you'll realise how much sleep you yearn.

either that. or you can just focus on getting to your destination, and not the journey.

so thats what i did. it was at about 6plus in the evening when the sun's going down and its not yet time to turn on the headlights yet. some people still turn them on though, i just find it uncool to do so when its not fully dark. despite that, my vision is still good.

i say good, i didnt imply crystal clear.

the road outside my house was doing some repairs, so there were patches of darker roads here and there (very ugly). i'm so tired of guessing whether or not its a porthole so i just drove through anyway. everything was still good, until about 10m near the next junction, there was another ominous-looking piece of black thing on the floor. (to me, it could either be those black trashbags or cardboard or stuff again). i did what i've been doing, and just drove by anyway.

i'm sure i made it go right underneath my car, between my two front tyres, just to be safe. but i still hear a thud. i thought someone dropped their bag or sth because the road was just outside the gate of a stretch of terrace houses. whatever that went under my car was definitely not flat.

and also when youre driving at 80km/hr on small roads, you dont really get to decipher what you see properly. especially given the current lighting. and i was on a rush.

haha. i just brushed it off.

met up with mw and we went to eat in kovan. after everything, we drove back to exchange vehicles and along the way, we passed by that same road.

BUT, this time its a whole new discovery.

you see, at that point of time, his headlights had to be already turned on (traffic rules). so the road on the floor is actually very visible, and due to many vehicles which were parked randomly in many different positions along that road, he drove slower too. approaching the same 'black spot', he slowed down to catch whats on the floor (something i didnt do). and then he said,

"oh man, someone ran over a cat."

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ITS NOT ME. I'M SURE. the black dead cat was already on the freaking floor!

it was lying on its left side, facing oncoming traggic. most horrible pose for a cat especially on a road thats always being sped on. the cat still had its collar on please! and its dead. eyes open.

feeling extremely disgusted, i related my story to him. i'm super positive that i didnt run my wheels over the cat! the thud came from the underneath of the car i think. or maybe my wheels ran over its legs? okay, i dont know which is worst.

I DIDNT KILL THE DEAD CAT.

we moved from whether or not i ran over the dead cat's body to how furious we'll be if we were the owners of the house the dead cat died in front of. imagine how inauspicious and dirty and ugly and disgusting and revolting it'd be!

damn the driver who knocked out the cat. damn him for hitting and running like christopher lee.

anyway, when i reached home at about 4am, i had to drive by that road again and i made sure i slowed down to look into that particular lane two lanes down from mine. the cat is not there anymore. but its imprints and blood were like sprawled over a larger area then its body took. other people must have done what i've did, or worst.

ha..

RIP, red-collared cat.

RAH!

if i can explode into a million pieces right now, i will.

but even then, you still won't understand how i feel!

now, that sucks.

LIFE IS GOOD (IN A BUBBLE)

generousity visited my parents today. they finally (out of own will), bought guitar heroesIII ! hahaha. i just went over and played like the whole thing with my brother. super duper awesome!

its a sat night and i'm home. haha.

and i'm starting to get irritated at myself for getting affected by situations so easily. which is so not cool. i try to remain nonchalant but then sometimes people just cross the line.

like you. my life definitely doesnt revolve around you so stop acting like it is. you say you care, and i agree to that. but its sad to know that that care comes from an obligation, and not because you want to. dont say that you feel that there isnt enough time especially when you suck at time management.

and i'll appreciate it if you dont assume that i'll be there for you whenever and wherever. cos you dont really deserve it. eg. calling me after you finish clubbing, expecting me to pick up.

thats nonsense.

WHEN THE LIGHTS GO OFF

i am seriously going to suffer if i can afford a house without the ability to afford a maid as well!

like today. i swept the entire house clean, or at least i tried. sweeping actually takes some game! the dirt never really stays clear of the areas you've swept before! its really demoralising.

and it gives me lowerback pain.

RAH!

that aside, i really really am disappointed with _____.

like come on! urgh.

WHATS YOUR FLAVOUR.

i just woke up. because someone only made it possible for me to go to bed at 6plus in the morning. tsk. (thank you very much eh)

the starbucks clan just celebrated the flea's belated birthday a few hours back. its interesting to see how much change can impact everyone's life in a timespan of just a mere few weeks. but despite it all, we're still tight as a unit right. haha.

anyway i feel horrible.

but i know my grandma feels worse given her current situation. then again, i think my grandpa has his fair share of ugly feelings too.

so i'm not suppose to complain.

haha. i'll just be good and go watch ellen now.

bye.

HYPOTHETICALLY, NO.

i was shoo-ed from mountE. being the awesome sister that i am, i was suppose to be accompanying my brother throughout the night till my mother comes back in the morning. although i know that visitors are not allowed after visiting hours, i still stayed(hid). anyway, 4334 was situated at the end, people/nurses dont usually make their rounds there unless the patients ring them to! right?

but i got caught. cos it was my brother's medication time.

DAMN.

i cabbed home after. and i'm really bored now.

i used to envy people who lived alone. by people i meant young ones, not those old creepy ones that you seen in movies who has ten thousand cats running around. living alone entails freedom, hence my house is really just a house.

but it isnt that great afterall. the freedom thing usually wears off after a while, for me at least cos i'm really lazy. living alone is really quiet. and there's always the responsibility of cleaning and ensuring that the house is fully secured whenever you decide to leave. or sleep.

and no, my mom refuses to send our maid over to help clean this unit up. she says its for my own good.

haha. its true though cos i've learnt from this. i've learned that i need to get a job that allows to me employ a maid when i'm living alone in the future. its either that or i get a really good husband.

option A is still better. i dont like the rest of the strings attached that comes with the other option.

pardon my ranting, i'm really that bored.

and hungry.

alright, i'm going to eat.

and its already 3am! hello ELLEN. (:

OTH again.

it is official. i have transformed into a night owl, along with my brother. seriously, we live life as if we're in France (6hrs back).

sleep only kicks in around noon, till late evening. and its been like that since the start of the week. haha.

we're screwed.

anyway, i wanna talk about the whole mas selamat issue thats happening. its been too long already. like you've heard of fugitives that are on a run caught in less than a week in countries like the USA. but this indonesian has been running for more than a week and the country of incident is SINGAPORE!

that is embarrassing. considering the fact that we're no more than a dot on the atlas.

i know that even though we take lesser space geographically, we have many (rather) dense areas optimal for hiding also. but regardless, considering the number of troops deployed to track down this one man, we should have at least already made some noticeable progress?

dont get me wrong, i'm not complaining that our defence system isnt up to par or anything like that. i'm in no position to do that anyway. but, i think its unfair to these army people, ESPECIALLY THE ONES THAT JUST WENT IN WITHIN A YEAR AGO!

poor boys, got entangled into these because of bad enlistment timing. i'm not happy because these boys happen to be from my batch of friends. what if they were to track into the jungle and so unfortunately step onto a land mine?!

tragedy have never been so well-defined. (if that happens).

okay, this isnt a justifiable argument because if this incident happens to people from the other batches, it would mean it affects the friends of other people as well. fair enough and i totally agree. there is no one correct method at all.

UNLESS! they just send the bloody regulars in. i mean, these people sign on to the army because they chose to and not by default! hence, give these people what they ask for.

spare the conscripts lah mr government.

tsk. i rest my case.

0425

i've just reached home about an hour ago. been out since midnight. it was fun, catching up with the bs3. went movie watching and stuff at cine with clothes that were meant only to be seen at about a radius of 5m from where we live respectively.

super cool. so we pretended that we belong in their district.

a few days back i met with kqy for coffee. her life is interesting i tell you. but no i'm not tempted to join! i dont do well with new crowds. hahaha.

a day before that was out with one half of my goodfriend. the talk we had was super super draining in many aspects. the things we get ourselves involved in because of other ppl... tsk.

men should really grow up.

and money should never be a focal point of any situation!

ha,

i should go to sleep now.

..DEAR

recently, i've been questioning the reliability of doctors. the way they do their consultations, the way they decide on the 'right' prescriptions and the way they deduce/estimate conditions are all seemingly dubious.

its because i feel that the difference between two years and two months just seems too much to take in. too soon.

i want to think that they have made yet another blunder and that their qualifications are bought, but then again its just another way of escaping the inevitable. afterall, doctors know best right?

so i shift the blame to the man above. for creating the ability in all human beings to love. because with love, there comes the misery of pain and hurt. misery due to a loss. to me, no loss is planned. nobody can lose something and not feel the immense shift of emotions from one end to another just because they saw it coming. it always happens suddenly. there's always not enough time.

like now, there's really not enough time.

i dont hate God for this, i just dont understand why. if its true that he loves us all, he, of all people would understand what it feels like to have someone dear go away. but yet, he does this to all of us.

he created death.